What does 'ugly' mean, Daddy?

I was taken aback when Bettina asked me this at the bus stop one day. Seeing how often in children's literature we read of ugly witches and ugly step-sisters (but never ugly wizards or ugly step-brothers), I marvelled that my 5-year-old didn't know the meaning of this word. I was about to define it for her in the usual fairy tale sense, but thought better of it. In the cruel world of elementary school, the word "ugly" is almost always used to describe a person. And in the fairy tale logic we all grew up with, that means that the reviled person is also evil. Indeed, how many hideous mermaids or ravishing sea witches do we read about? Glenda the Good Witch of the North said it best: "Only bad witches are ugly." And Dorothy, with her liberal Kansas upbringing, just stood there and took that?

Maybe we can fix this fallacy, one kindergardener at a time. It's a dangerous thought, and one that would positively wreck our economy, but what if no one ever commented on, reacted to, or even thought about people's appearances? What if we reserved the words "beautiful" and "ugly" to judge people's thoughts, words and deeds? What if—

"Daddy!"

"Hmm?"

"Didn't you hear me?! I SAID, what does ugly mean?"

"Oh, sorry, sweetie, I got distracted. C'mere, I'll show you what ugly means. You see the cigarette butts and trash around this bus stop? They make the bus stop look ugly."

She bought it. And now we must reinforce it. From now on at at story time we will speak of Cinderella's poorly raised step-sisters; of intelligent princesses who marry thoughtful princes after a long, discerning courtship; of monsters and sea witches who are simply ill-mannered and who just might, with a bit of empathy and constructive feedback from the rest of us, learn to be pleasant, productive members of medieval or oceanic society.