A new form of punishment

Child A was caught being evil to Child B last week.  We had lectured A about this particular variant of evil twice before, and so this latest act called for swift discipline.  

I cycled through the usual menu.  Loss of allowance?  Extra chores?  Grounding?  Indentured servitude?  None seemed right.  They all felt so…what's the word?  Meaningless.  They would satisfy my thirst for vengeance, and justice might even be "served", whatever that means—as if "Justice" were some vane deity who feeds off human retribution—but deep down, I knew that whatever consequence I chose, Child A would regret having been caught but not having done it.  

What would send the right message?  What is the message?  Don't be mean?  That's only the tip of it.  What I really want is for A to be kind to others because she desires to be kind, because she enjoys being kind.  And I could think of no punishment that would bring this about.

Therese found the solution.  It was so crazy and so obvious, it just might work.  And it did.  The speech went something like this.  "A, sometime before the weekend, your punishment is to think of something kind to do for B.  Something that will surprise her and make her smile!  Something that will show her that you love her, which I know that you do.  I'll leave it to you to decide what it will be.  The only rule is, you have to do it before the weekend.  On Sunday, I'm going to ask B what you did for her.  Agreed?"

I knew it was going to work before I'd even finished talking.  She was smiling, and I could see the wheels in her mind already turning.  She was already plotting what she would do—and she was excited by it!

Evil cannot cast out evil.  To learn to be kind, you have to practice being kind.  Miscreants, beware!  The punishment for wickedness is goodness!

What would you pay to keep a promise?

There's a prize in our family that we call a Daddy-Daughter-Day, and today the planets aligned to give Vanessa and me the chance to take one.  With big sister at camp, little sister at kindergarten and Mama at work, Vanessa and I gleefully drew up our itinerary at the kitchen table.  We'd buy ourselves new swim suits (we'd lost ours last month), go swimming (her favourite activity on earth), and finish with lunch at a fancy restaurant where Vanessa could order off the fancy adult menu.

Well, getting those swim suits was a bigger job than we'd thought.  Around and around town we went, in one mall and out the other, looking for a store, any store, that sold swim wear in February.  Our morning was slipping away.  "We could go skating instead," I tried.  "Or a movie?"  Her defeated expression spoke for her.  She really had her heart set on swimming.  "All right, we'll try one last place, but if they don't have any, we'll have to do something else, understand?" "Okay."  

One Last Place was the Adidas sports wear outlet in mall #2.  Studies have shown there are three grades of physiological responses consumers emit as they approach the upper end of a price spectrum.  There are prices that make you whistle.  There are prices that elicit involuntary noises like an "Ooof!" or a "Whoa!"  And then there are prices that make you say, "F--- YOU!!! ARE YOU F---ING KIDDING ME?"  Well, this was a f--- you store.  Sweat pants for €80.  Golf shirts for €120.  And...

"Daddy, look!  They have swim suits!  We can go swimming after all!  Can I get this black one?"

Moments like these define us.  When emotions are high, when the clock is running, when she's looking at you expectantly, when there's a cheaper store that might have what you want but would cost an hour-long detour, when the parenting books fall silent, you reach down and summon all the wisdom you've gleaned from a decade of fatherhood and you're wondering what would Jesus do and you're wondering even more what in Heaven's name you're gonna say to your wife when she gets home as you look in your daughter's hopeful face and say...and say..."Why don't you go try it on?" 

What would you pay for a million-dollar smile?  Vanessa was smiling.  Adidas share holders were smiling.  And as Vanessa dunked the daddy monster at the pool for the tenth time, the daddy monster was smiling, too.